Everyone Loves You When You're Dead

I don't doubt Neil Strauss has a life many people envy.  He shares intimate and uncomfortable moments with some of the world's biggest stars.  He has a drive to understand the psychology behind fame.  Sure, he has to deal with media moguls editing the good stuff out and tight-lipped stage-gods and their press agents' watchful glares.  But all in all, not a bad day job, right?  Who doesn't want to crawl into a sleeping bag with Jewel?  Or smell Marilyn Manson's farts?  Or decipher Brian Wilson's incoherent babble?

Ummm.  Me.  I picked up this book because after months of cramming Dialog prompts and academic drivel into my cerebral cortex, I needed to catch up on my celebrity gossip.  But five minutes into this book I remembered: nothing's changed.  As far as I can tell, there are three rough categories stars fit into: 

1. Legit hardworking schmoes who got big because they are really really good at what they do; they show up everyday (like a real job), they are relentless perfectionists and workaholics.  Fame is the result of their sweatstorm.  See: Barbra Streisand, Jay Leno, Kenny G.  They are not cool.  They are talented and driven.
2. People who are so desperate for affection and attention they will do anything, and I mean ANYTHING (hello?  Courtney Love, this is you doll) to get it.  They have been rejected, and they are either so pissed or so sad or both and they never got over it and they are here to seek their revenge.  They will shock, cajole, torture us into loving them; or at least, not ignoring them.  See also: Lady Gaga, Russell Brand, Paris Hilton.
3. The master manipulators.  They are the chameleons.  The kings and queens of rock n' roll.  There is nothing more important than being cool.  Especially if you can trick everyone into thinking you don't give a damn about being cool but are really on a journey of self-discovery or are a soulful, tortured artist.  The real answer: you don't actually know who you are, because who you are changes constantly, depending on who you are with and what they deem is hip.  Watch out for: Sean "Puffy" Combs, Madonna, Justin Timberlake.  Or worse, you are obsessively attached to your unflappable, carefully crafted persona, and you cannot allow anyone to mess with it, lest they expose the real, flawed you behind it.  See: Hugh Hefner, Tom Cruise, Dolly Parton.

So, truth be told, I never finished it.  That's what so great about library books, there is no guilt associated with purchasing a crap book you have to force yourself to read on the toilet.  I read a dozen of the interviews that caught my eye, but they all started sounding so terribly similar I just gave up.  Not to mention each interview is broken up into "scenes" which jump all over the chapter and are terribly annoying to follow.  My advice?  Don't waste your time or energy.  This is no insult to Strauss, who is a celebrity in his own right for his relentless pursuit of the "big answers."  But the truth is most stars have nothing very interesting or original to say.  I'd rather nap.